How would you react if your spouse forgot about you?

By admin on October 22, 2011

Okay he agreed to split 0.00 with me and he took it all. He says he forgot and had a blond moment just 9 hours later. I pay his credit card bills, the house bills and make sure he has a wage in his personal account without fail every two weeks. We are self employed. I valued his word as his signature. I am very upset that he just forgot. It seems unlikely to me. We have not had an argument for weeks before this happened. There isn’t an excuse on the planet that I would accept for forgetting me. We are at the threshold of acquiring more credit for the business. It’s one phone call away. Yes I would be the one paying this bill too out of our business account. My problem is faith, trust and I worry that he will not remember future verbal deals we make. It isn’t even the money. I have enough in my own account or I could transfer it from the business account. No we aren’t rich but not behind in anything either. It’s the crappy excuse of I forgot about you that it really bugging me. Is there a way around this to regain what I feel is lost? Is it a good idea to go out on a limb and accept more credit or am I just putting a noose around my neck? Anyone have a spouse who forgets about them? What did you do when you found out? We’ve been together 12 years and I just don’t know anymore and need some kind of advice to think about please. Is this pms or menopause or do I have a valid opinion? So much yelling and screaming I am disoriented and can’t think straight right now.

9 responses to “How would you react if your spouse forgot about you?”

Fathead
October 22, 2011 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

You’re married. All the money you say you “give” him is half his, anyway so stop thinking you’re doing him huge favors. You’re married.

I don’t see why you’d ruin your marriage and argue over $100. That’s crazy. Forgive him and move on.
skye skye
October 22, 2011 at 5:16 pm | Permalink

If he is able to pay all his other bills on time and check his accounts every week or two, then he didn’t just forget to split the money with you – he purposely took all the money. I would say hold off on gaining more credit at this point, and if he questions you regarding it, blame it on his “forgetfulness” and that you don’t feel comfortable taking on more responsibility with someone who clearly has the beginning stages of dementia/alheizmers.
alwayswvgirl
October 22, 2011 at 5:19 pm | Permalink

Rule #1 about men : Men are stupid.
Rule #2 : Men make stupid mistakes.

If he is truly remorseful, then forgive him.
Next payday, YOU get it ALL.
richard
October 22, 2011 at 6:05 pm | Permalink

your this upset for $100.00 dollars?

You’ve included the public opinion for $100.00 Dollars?

He should get out of dodge quick.

and keep on running.
awkwardly balanced
October 22, 2011 at 7:00 pm | Permalink

Oh my. He apologized and explained his actions. Does he really need to do anything more. You are his wife. You are supposed to be on his side. What exactly do you feel that you lost? Not understanding that statement.

Sounds like the two of you handle a lot of money – is it really so surprising that he MADE A MISTAKE. If you are yelling about a lot of stuff a lot of the time, you need to take a good look in the mirror and try to understand why someone would want to shut out that kind of negativity and make it more likely to be “forgotten.”

The credit you are seeking would make anyone stressed out – you need to sit down together and talk about your goals. This is not about $100 – this is about taking financial risks with your husband from an insecure frame of mind. If you are not fully on board, you need to communicate that, not make a mountain out of a mole hill.
Waymon
October 22, 2011 at 7:20 pm | Permalink

Sounds like you’re both pretty financially secure, at least to the point where $200 wouldn’t make you lose too much sleep. Sure you should bring it to his attention, but seems without you he’s not much on business decisions. If the business needs an injection and he mentions it, just tell him your thoughts on his forgetfulness and you’re not sure you should obligate yourself to something much larger, for fear that he may forget again. I guess if you get your $200 back you’ll be all ready to borrow a lot of money ??? Hmmm…. dunno. I would suggest that you not yell and scream to the point of disorientation, unless you are engaged in some sort of sexual frenzy. As for a disagreement, shake it off, give it much thought (from your perspective and his) and come to a compromise. Calgon and Merlot work great together……….Good Luck.
condosgirl
October 22, 2011 at 7:53 pm | Permalink

When he said that he forgot, he probably didn’t mean it as he forgot about you. If you two work together in a business and share the money with you as the primary controller, he isn’t used to having to think about money issues. He leaves it all to you. If this is the only thing that has happened, it sounds like maybe your over-reacting. If he is, in other ways, treating you disrespectfully or cheating or lying, that’s a different story. You have to look at the big picture. You’ve been with him for 12 years. If things have been good, don’t throw it away over $200. If this is a bigger issue, you need to talk to him and maybe get counseling.
One other thing to consider is that since you have taken total control of the money and basically pay him an allowance, your relationship could be turning into like a parent/child situation where you’re the parent and he’s the child. He feels powerless and taking the money was just a little bit of rebellion on his part – kind of pulling on his leash a bit. Perhaps you need to sit down with him and tell him that you want him to take a more active role in the finances of the business so that he understands how much money there is and where it is going. Usually in a relationship, the person who controls the money is the one with the most power. Sometimes that can cause resentment in the other partner.
Sit down and talk to him after you’ve calmed down. Let him know how you feel and ask him what he thinks about you controlling the money. Be sure that you’ve both gotten past the emotional outburst and can talk calmly.
stephanie_6234
October 22, 2011 at 8:11 pm | Permalink

I would wager that YOU are the one who handles the bills because you dont forget?

You are married, anything financially going on in your marriage belongs to the both of you regardless who’s account the money is in or who writes out the checks for the bills…if you cant understand that then how on earth are you two running a business together? You arent any better than him for screaming and yelling about it…why havent you too talked about who does what with the money?? He should know that because he has memory lapses he has no business handling the finances and you should know that because he has memory lapses about his bills that you need to handle the finances…and if YOU are handling the finances why are you waiting for him to pay you anything?

I bet its more of the pms or menopause than you think…you are forgetting that a marriage is a business in a sense….and you are business PARTNERS…you dont work for him and he doesnt work for you…you work for each others future together….
Metal Nettle
October 22, 2011 at 8:25 pm | Permalink

You’re doing all the work and he’s taking advantage of you. Tell him he needs to straighten up.